hey you ...

yeah, you ... the one who weighs well over 200 pounds still...

PUT THE FUCKING SUGAR COOKIES DOWN. or you will never lose the 10.x pounds you still need to lose before your tummy tuck.

hard salami and i no longer get along...

dammit... stuck ... refuses to go down. it hurts.

guess i'll go get some pineapple juice on my lunch.

cravings are bad BAD today ... i want carbs. the have Mongolian grill for lunch downstairs. it is SO good ... comes with rice and those fried noodles ... SO TASTY ... so full of carbs.

28Jan food

back on track after a carb overload weekend


cals 876
fat 64.4g 67%
carb 13.3g 6%
protein 56.7g 26%
protein was a tad low, but im not going to force something down me.

fuck I'm tired...

45+ mins on cardio..

fuck..

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i want new boobs too ...

:(

post workout weight...

not going to 'count' it, but DAMN!!!!

:)

holy shit!!

fastest time ever.. beat my old time by 53 seconds.. SMASHED it.
this time is going to stay for awhile. I'm pooped.

24Jan food

not bad... hopefully the weight loss will continue... :)




















instead of the muscle milk snack, i had a single piece of salami ... i didnt really need it, but i was preparing tomorrow's food and just popped it into my mouth... not horrible... but the mindless eating not so great.
stats:
calories: 1009
fat: 74g (68%)
carbs: 13.7g (6%)
pro: 65.9g (27%)

bout f'ing time!!

so, i've been in the 260s since 19October.

today - finally!! - i hit a 'new decade'

259.2

23Jan food

not a bad day. i was HUNGRY though, so i had a salad for lunch and snack...






















stats:
calories: 1125
fat: 82.7g (67%)
carbs: 14.6g (5%)
pro: 78.8g (28%)

not bad

22Jan fuel

i havent had my snack so far, not sure if i'll need it, but threw it in there just in case. nix the muscle milk... i dont need it.


calories - 969
fat 63.4g (60%)
carbs 16.2g (7%)
protein 79.6g (33%)

i went over a tad on carbs, but that is total, not net... **shrug** if i dont have the muscle milk, it will be under 20g. the above numbers reflect no muscle milk. dont consume it if you dont need it!!

im sticking with this for a few more days to see if the scale moves...

after 1 day on Atkins..

fucking up almost a pound. WTF??

only thing I can think of is that tom is going to come early. I feel
almost crampy. *sigh*

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21Jan food

back to blogging. back to Atkins. started induction today.
havent finished yet, but all thats left is my protein drink and i really dont want to drink it, but i need to try it before tomorrow. new flavor - chocolate peanut butter. hopefully it tastes as good as i've been told... :)


nutritional info for Monday:
Calories - 1098
Fat - 72.9g (61%)
Carb - 17.7g (7%)
Protein - 87g (32%)

we'll see how i do. weight this morning was 261.8 ... ick.

missed it by that much..

grrrrr. missed beating my fastest time by 5 seconds. I knew I was
close so I really kicked it up towards the end. I ended up running
the last 90 seconds at over 5.6 mph and the final 30 seconds at
6.0 mph!! OMG I thought my legs were going to fall off.

OK ... so who else can relate?

why am i getting a tuck?

because now that i am not HUGE, just 'big', people do look me in the eye when saying hello, but 95% of them then scroll their eyes down to my stomach. i am so fucking sick of it.

losing the inches!

i went to my training appointment yesterday and although the weight is not dropping much, the inches are dropping.

since last month, i've lost the following:
chest 3/4 inch
upper arm 3/4 inch
waist 3/4 inch
thigh 1/4 inch
calf 1/4 inch

my body fat percent is about 32.3% (cant remember cause im at work), 'normal' is 31.9%... i'm getting there!!! :)

11.7 cc in my band now

I got a small fill (.2) we'll see how this helps.

the big surprise, I've lost 8 pounds since last month's fill.. wow

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wide awake ....

sigh
this sucks

can't edit my post ...

the part I talked about before was the fact that Mary had LB, not my
question... ;)

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input please...

ok ... I'm pretty sure I've already told this story, but...

I kinda work with a woman (same department, different area) I'll call
her Mary..

Mary and I had our lap bands placed on the same day (same doctor
even)... I had NO CLUE she had hers placed... I found out by
accident when someone accidentally 'slipped'...

Mary likes to eat... we had breakfast together once and while I was
enjoying my 2 scrambled eggs, she ate pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns, you
name it... she also left the table no fewer than SIX times.. I'm
ASSuming to PB cause she was all flushed and sweaty when she came
back... but she continued to EAT... (and leave and eat, etc...)

she is still quite large. she didnt start out as big as me, maybe
280-300.. I dunno I suck at guessing weights and she's quite a bit
shorter than I am.

ok, C, get to the point....
today I was walking downstairs and mary saw me.... she said "you are
getting skinny"... I kinda brushed it off, but wow.. today is a
"non-shake" day, basically, I get to eat today... I was going down to
the cafe to get God knows what to eat....

thanks to her comment, know what I got?? lettuce for a huge salad..
I already had ham and some shredded cheese and dressing in my office
kitchen..

later I emailed her thanking her for her compliment, telling her how
much I appreciated it.

she responded by saying she needs to lose weight before her reunion,
that she lost 50 in 2006, but gained 35 last year... I haven't
responded yet...

suggestions on how to respond? I don't wanna say that I know she has
a band, but I want to encourage her... apparently she overeats,
doesnt chew her food, drinks with meals, etc...

I don't think I wanna point her to LBT cause I'll be found and I like
the relative anonymity (sp????) that I have now.

wow I can't believe I typed this out on my iPhone... LONG

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dunno about this whole liquid thing...

**sigh**

i knew i wasnt going to be able to stick with it... i havent eaten anything so far today, i've had about a scoop of protein powder for this morning (made it w/ 2 scoops and drank 1/2 of it) and this afternoon made 1 scoop and drank about 4 sips before gagging.

i really dont know what to do. this whole diet mentality fucks me up so bad. banding is not about dieting, why am i doing this to myself?

i get satisfied on a few ounces of protein (chicken) why cant i just do that?? now i feel like i am such a fucking failure cause i cant do protein powder ... grrrrr. and yes, i know that its shitty tasting but i should just suck it up.

ok, this really sucks

the double chocolate mousse is cardboard flavored as well ...

fuck ... a ... duck ...

shakes in review

2 scoops of creamy caramel something or other... not bad... it did come out a bit frothy on top, once i got rid of that it was OK, more than likely will not order again.

even with 1 packet of sweet n low not so great...

shakes are here

double chocolate mousse & creamy caramel something ..

starting it today. 2 other flavors should be here by the weekend
(netrition is SLOW)

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51 days

yesterday was a great workout!
ran/walked a mile
biked 2 miles
abs & push ups
fast walk .5 mile
slow (2.7-3.0) walk
really burned the cals!!

still no low fat shakes will start liquids only when they come. i should have 1 shipment arrive today.

maybe macaroni grill for dinner tonight??? they have an awsome filet...

Christine
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liquids for awhile???

ok, i really need to get this fucking weight off of me before surgery. i mean it!

i ordered some whey gourmet shakes (Chocolate Chip Mint, Peanut Butter Chocolate, Creamy Caramel Dip and Dark Chocolate Mousse).

the plan is to have those during the day (as many as needed, no more than 7 scoops) then for dinner have 2 chicken strips (grilled) and some veggies. for a snack i will drink some diet V8 Splash to make sure i get all my necessary vitamins in.

all in all it comes out to be under 1000 cals, under 20 grams of fat, about 12% from carbs and LOTS of protein (172 grams with 7 scoops of powder and the chicken).

not sure how many shakes i will need during the day, so i gave myself a pretty high allowance.

let's see if this works.

oh, i am giving myself one day a week where i do not do shakes all day. not sure if i will use it, but it will give me something to look forward to...

picture time

yup, its that time of the month now. we took pictures, but im petrified to post them. let's just say they are very revealing ... as in, i only have a sports bra and pants on ... you can see my gut in all her shining glory....

i dunno yet, im thinking they will be for my eyes only for awhile.

07Jan Food - final

stayed on plan today! wooo hooo
1229 cals
76.1 fat g - wow, its high due to muscle milk, oh yeah bars and ranch
28.5g carbs
99.9g protein


not bad... fat needs to be a bit better, need to reduce the salad dressing fat for sure.

workout sucked

not rocked - SUCKED ...

i forgot my running shoes at home and didnt wanna go home to pick them up... so i used my aerobic shoes .. big mistake.

due to my fucked up toe, they were really tight and i could barely walk. so i did .25 on tmill and 3 on bike ... then i stretched, did a few crunches and then went grocery shopping ...

shitty workout.

oh well, at least eating is on track today.

will run tomorrow.

well fuck a duck

i am anxiously waiting for my plastic surgery, i just want to get it over with and start really living.

it is so pathetic how people view us fatties ... it seems everywhere i went this weekend, people would not look me in the eye. their eyes went directly to my gut. EVERYWHERE.I.WENT...

fuck fuck. get rid of this gut. its just not moving. i am running, i am walking, i am strength training, i am doing all i can fucking do and its not moving.

tonight is picture night, i really dont even want to take them. i guess im letting myself slip into a nasty depression. i dont want this. this fat fucking gut just has to go.

really.

it feels like i cant do this anymore. i am noticing small changes, but its no where near where i need them to be.

maybe when i was 400 pounds, i expected it, but now, it fucking hurts to see just staring at my gut. is it my imagination? i honestly dont think it is.

ok, i'll just stop rambling now. life fucking sucks sometimes.

getting sick?

I think I'm getting a sinus infection. I feel like crap.

I may take the day off from working out. brought my clothes just in
case. of course now that I think about it, I think I forgot my
shoes... dammit.

I want starbux so horribly.. sigh

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hot damn!!

fastest mile yet ...

went running today...

I guess i had forgotten how incredible I feel after I run. it wasn't
really even running much, walking at 4.3 mph and then I did a 5.2 or
5.3 burst for a little bit.

WOW

fastest mile yet!

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ya know what??

I dont automatically go to the handicapped stall in public bathrooms
anymore and I fit just fine.

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03Jan fuel

Breakfast
Atkins Caramel Latte shake

lunch

spring mix salad
w/ shredded 2% cheddar cheese, 1.5 oz ham, 2 small chuncks of tomato

planned
snack
Atkins shake or another salad

dinner
6 oz shrimp
2 tbsp chipotle salsa
some veggie ??

talk about a hypocrite... **eyeroll**

i hate it when blogs i find all of a sudden go password protect... (lol... i am serious though)... i just found a great blog (what about your hips) - its even in my 'what do i read' section... and all of a sudden it's pword protected ... grrrrrr

lunch

yum... i love spicy ranch dressing ...

i cuss...

because i fucking can ...

fuck again ...

i dont know if it is true hunger or head hunger but i want to eat everything under the sun...

EVERYTHING.UNDER.THE.SUN... really

so far, i've made OK choices. had a shake for breakfast (fucking 26 degrees here this morning), 14 almonds, more almonds, yup, more almonds maybe another serving of 28 total, maybe a tad more, tad less...

my pouch is full, but i am not... does that make any sense? nopers ...

and i am FUCKING FUCK FUCK cold... wearing long sleeved dress, workout jacket and a cardigan over that ... still cold.

i need to just suck it up and buy some tights or maybe just pantyhose (shudder) would help. yup, i have bare legs

it is SOOOOO TOM so i am hoping that is why my weight is up (270.4fuckyouverymuch!)

tired, crabby, fuck... i did run this morning. went a mile, my stupid nike+ thingy registered 1.5 miles ... fuck again

fuck

just fuck

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I resolve...

- to work with my band and let her do her job properly
- to push myself exercise wise at least 2 times a week (excluding when healing from my TT)
--- pushing myself means working up an incredibly disgusting sweat
(and loving it)
- to give myself time to stretch and meditate 3x a week

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happy new year

I hope this year is the best year yet.

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