I'm out

and well. (alive)
all is ok right now, on oxygen cause pulse ox kept hitting 90-ish
needs to be higher than 92 ithink

kinda tired but ok

sent from my iPhone ;)

SHE'S OUT!!

SHE'S IN!!! :)

Sent from my iPhone

wide awake

good morning ;)

sent from my iPhone ;)

on my way to the hotel

the drug doctor called ... she's going to come with a nice cocktail mix... yay...

:)

tomorrow...

I'm sitting in my car waiting for my pedi appointment in 15 minutes..
im reading LBT and the comments here and just can't believe the
support I have received. it is absolutely amazing.

this time tomorrow my lipo will more than likely be finished and I'll
be flipped (yikes!!!) and they will be working on the tuck...

we're picking up my dad at the airport at 400ish. DD is VERY excited
he's coming. they should have a good time.

my throat is still a bit sore but not intolerable.. todays the last
day of my Z pack... sucking down the vitamin C

ok, off to get my feet pretty... ;)

sent from my iPhone ;)

3 years...

happy gotcha day, buttercup... you are my world and i love you with all my heart.
mama

wow.... just wow

almost 17 months out. last monthly pis of me with belly.

blue shirt - pre op
middle - current but in the pre op pants
right - current in pants that fit

2 days...

wow.

ok... so i do have a sore throat, but no fever yet. im drugging myself silly with my Z Pack, Vitamin C, Halls Prohealth Defense and Airborne gummies. i dont go more than 10 minutes without something in my mouth.

last day at work for a little bit.. all my work has been finished, all my prep for next month is done... in other words, nothing to do... its gunna be a long day.

oh boy am i quite the cranky bitch..

holy fuck... i dunno what is in overdrive, but shit is hitting the fan with me today - and im the one throwing it.

whiny dogs are driving me fucking crazy, DD is driving me fucking crazy, DH is driving me fucking crazy... **sigh**

i had a shitty visit with my Gyn this afternoon, she told me absolutely nothing i wanted to hear and i just feel like shit.

oh, and she weighed me ... FUCKING up... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

fuck.

im starting to think ...

something up there doesnt want me to have this surgery...

 

- the breast lump scare

- the pregnancy

- the miscarriage

- DD sick with a nasty ear infection

now DH sick with strep throat...

 

this just makes me even more petrified ... something/someone from above is giving me this sign...

 

****sigh****

fuck fuck fuck....

im gunna strangle my DH (d does NOT mean dear right here...)

strep throat... freaking strep throat!! the man i kissed has strep throat. at least my PCP gave me an Rx for a Z pack. i called my surgeon's office and they said to stay away from him... well, duh!!!
guess no 'build up' sex ... damn ... not only no sex for 2-3 weeks, but this week too ... yup, it's ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 P

so im wide awake...

its only 430 and this just sucks.

DH is sick with a sore throat, DD was up late crying cause her ear hurts so bad. not a good time at LJMs house.

im just hoping/praying i dont get sick. temperature was my normal 96.8 a few minutes ago. let's just hope it stays that way.

it's my 10th wedding anniversary today...

happy 10th, R.

i love you

holy fuck...

this week... its coming this week.

a week from right now i'll be so drugged up that i wont care that i've been almost "split in half" (co-worker's words, not mine)...

so excited... i just cant believe it..scared, but excited... dont wanna not wake up, ya know??

eating wise, we're not even gunna go there ... i've just made sure im getting my vitamins in and my protein... i have been working out so it's somewhat of a balance, right?

a week from tonight ...

oh damn... a week from now i'll be (hopefully) in a nice peaceful sleep ... or ummm... having one last intimate encounter with DH for 2weeks!!! ;)

i cant believe it's coming up... 4 more work days, a pedicure, picking up my dad at the airport, a dinner at La Duni and i'll be ready!!! OMG... * oh and you cant forget those encounters w/ DH ... ;) * **sigh**

i think im pretty much ready. going to go over all my lists tomorrow. we had a quick tutorial for DH on how and what to post to LBT the day of my surgery ...

wow... wow ... WOW.... its really going to happen, isnt it?

its a go...

just received a call from Dr. P's nurse. surgery is a go for the 29th.

what a roller coaster!!!

update perhaps....

ok, so i needed a Rhogam shot because of my A- blood type. when i went to get the shot (my regular Gyn), the nice nurse told me that the fill in doc had spoken with Dr. P (plastics) and saw no reason not to proceed.

good news....

it's still up to Dr. P and i havent heard from him yet, but im just going to ASS-u-ME that we're good to go.... guess i'll find out if they cash the check. **eye roll**

this no fill business sucks big time. i've forgotten how it feels to be hungry. dont like it one bit... i want food and i really want steak ... mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... steak.... yummie....

i guess i should be low carbing it now, that does naturally decrease appetite thru ketosis and i'll be getting plenty of protein in.... guess i'll start tomorrow... yay... i love atkins ... gimme some meat!! ;)

no real news yet...

well, its only 8am, what do i expect?

my arm is getting really quite sore from so much blood being drawn. i talked with my plastic's nurse yesterday and she said the only reason Dr. P would cancel is if i were indeed preggers... they need to see a steady decline in my HCG numbers. not sure what it was Thursday, but Friday it was in the 160 range (1-2weeks), my fill in OB drew yesterday so if it is higher than 160 for some reason, somehow, i am still expecting. that i wouldnt get at all. we're talking full blown TOM visiting.

Dr. P's nurse said i may need a few more preg tests just to ensure the numbers are really declining. my poor arm ... im not going to be able to move it **eyeroll**

soooooo, im just acting like i'm having the surgery. taking my extra vitamin c tabs (gawd, those taste pretty rancid!) and no aspirin, etc... hopefully the fill in OB will call today with an HCG count below 150 and a good blood count. if so, i see no reason why he could not recommend the surgery ... ok not recommend, but how he could say not to do the surgery.

thanks everyone for your comments and PMs, they really mean so much to me. your support has been overwhelming.

i hate this saying...

but it keeps coming to my head ...

everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...
everything that happens, happens for a reason...

now if i could only believe it...

doctor's visit

couldnt get in to see my regular OB, so i got the "fill in" guy. now i know why he had an opening. complete dick.

so they did an internal ultrasound, didnt even get a drink after that **eyeroll**... nothing, zip, nada in my uterus ... well, blood, but no baby ... not pregnant any longer....

the dolt of a doctor was like wellllll, we cant be sure (hello, no baby, no pregnancy... how much more clear do you need it to be????)

he drew more blood (3rd pregnancy test in that many business days) and wants to compare the numbers with my PCP's to ensure they are indeed going down. he is also not going to recommend that i have surgery. he isnt going to discourage it, but he wont recommend it ... WTF???? i know it's ultimately Dr. Pollock's call, but you'd think Dr. P would go on the recommendation of the OB... so, i can only hope that Dr. P thinks it through clearly. i mean, i KNOW he will, he is a very level headed man and i know if it's delayed it would be for my safety, but its just frustrating.

and yes, at this moment, we are talking about going thru with the surgery. if i get preggers a little down the line and fuck up my muscles a tad, that will still be better than having the gut, n'est pas???

so yeah, i have to wait another day (hopefully only a day)... he did also do a complete blood count which is good, but damn... i just want it to be over.

what's really going on...

ok ... im not posting this to LBT, but will here. its nothing i really want to keep a secret, just dont want to post it there...

Friday morning (day after my pre op), my case nurse for plastics called me. just chit chatted for a couple of minutes and then proceeded to tell me she forgot to ask me when my last period was. i told her 12/28-ish, but like i told her in the pre op, i'm really irregular (PCOS) and feel like im going to start any second now.

she paused and told me that the pregnancy test came back positive.

freak out. totally completely lost it at work. TOTALLY. had to be walked to the bathroom cause i could not walk by myself. shaking uncontrollably. partially because the news of the pregnancy was just completely unexpected (i had taken a pee-test 2 weeks before - negative) and the thought of plastics slipping thru my fingers.

so DH and i are getting used to another DChild... Sunday, while in the grocery store, i start spotting. just a little bit, but enough to cause concern. i called the emergency hotline and the nurse says to put my feet up and do nothing for the rest of the day. exactly what i do. in fact, i went to bed about 745ish (woke up at 3am)... so over the night the bleeding gets worse and worse and as of Monday morning, im in a full blown period.

another.miscarriage... yes, another. this is not my first. apparently my body is defective in carrying babies ... :**** (

so where do i go from here? absolutely no clue. DH and i talked about it for a bit last night (while i was dozing off), he thinks i should go for the plastics cause that would make me happy... i am not so sure. yes, of course, going for the plastics will make me happy, but so would having my DH's child. it is not recommended to get preg after a TT, it would defeat the purpose of the tuck in a normal tuck. but i think i am not the 'normal' tuck... i am getting the gut whacked too... but im going to be 37, waiting 6 months after the tuck for incision healing, etc that would put me at 38 years old when i deliver. not a good thing for a high-risk (miscarriages, weight...) mom.

so there's the facts. i am going to call my OB in 7 minutes and see what i need to do.

im petrified...

might be postponed...

blood test came back a little wonky...

going for a 'redo' right now

sent from my iPhone ;)

2 weeks...

2 weeks from RIGHT NOW I will be checking into the surgical center

OMG!!!

sent from my iPhone ;)

pre op

the pre op went well. nothing new really. DH liked Dr P, he did say
he had 'character'.. ?? one thing I really like about dr p is that
he sets reasonable expectations... saying that we can't do it all at
once (I knew that) and he will do all he can safely do.. thats all I
really expect.

sent from my iPhone ;)

so I'm completely unfilled now...

I can definitely feel the difference.

had soup and half sandwich for lunch... didnt eat all the bread, but
ate the 'innerds' of it... tasty!

Christine
sent from my iPhone ;)

pre op

on the way to my pre op appt...

REALLY nervous.
band is still super tight. going in for an emergency unfill about
noon. *sigh* this sucks.

sent from my iPhone ;)

well DAMN..

apparently i'm too tight...

drinking hot tea, my nose starts to run (my soft stop) ... WTF???

ive been having heartburn issues since Friday...

going to call and see if i can get an emergency unfill tomorrow. funny thing is, i just called to schedule my fill for after my plastics this morning... oh she's going to LOVE me ...

this is so not good

i am having some major heartburn.

started Friday night (ate a tad too much and had a lemonade from Chic Fil A - i know i know... stop eating so damn much)... took 2 tums and all was well.

today i had breakfast .. i wanted an omelet, dammit! didnt eat all of it, but i was full... still havent eaten anything since (5-6 hours ago)... drinking my crystal light and im continuing to have heartburn.

of course, i forgot the tums at home today ...

old habits return...

starbucks
carbs
sweets in general

bux sometimes 2 times a day (with whipped cream), cheesecake factory,
lots of food.

*sigh*

back on Atkins today.

sent from my iPhone

going home for the weekend ...

yay!

my "oh my fucking God" moment...

h.o.l.y..f.u.c.k!!





















i went from needing clothes custom made (those painted shorts - crappy customer service online store that customizes clothes for you) to a size 2XL (that's big on me) shirt and a size XL (ladies, NOT EVEN WOMEN'S) running pants.

I LOVE MY BAND!!!!!!!!!!!! (yup, screaming)

i just dont get it...

eating not so well, not moving my fat ass as much as i should, yet i am losing inches.

a pair of underwear that was extremely snug 2 weeks ago now fit very well - loose even!!

wtf? NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING! at all...

so f'ing sick...

of eating right and exercising.

so much in fact that i am not doing it at the moment.

eating complete and utter garbage and making every excuse i can to not exercise.

what the fuck is wrong with me??? am i not excited that i am getting gut whacked in 24odd days?

is that the reason im slacking? that is precisely the reason i should not be slacking. i need to be in the best physical and mental condition i can be in for this surgery... eating chocolate covered cream puffs and english toffee and not moving my ass is not the way to get there.

i need a kick in the ass. and i dont even think i am talking about a virtual one ...

where the fuck did my motivation go???

it wouldnt be my life without a little drama ...

a new twist..


when i was young (15/16??) i was quite umm, lopsided in the breast department... think C cup to an A cup. had it fixed with a saline* implant... its never been perfect, but yah know, the are relatively symetrical... no problems.

*or so i thought....
....

this past Monday, i found a lump in my left brest (non-implant side)... freaked me out since my mom was my age when she found her first (cancerous) lump. since i was sick with a cold, went to see my primary and she did an exam, yup, it's a lump... actually, there are 2. oh dear.

i went for my mammogram today and they had to actually take it to a sonogram cause it wasnt really clear.

the good news - lump is fatty tissue / non cancerous - mostly likely just a lipoma. yay!! no real issues unless they grow..

bad news - what i thought for the past 20 years was a saline implant, was in reality a silicone!! implant and it has ruptured. so i have silicone in my rt breast. based on the ultrasound, it appears to have contained itself inside my breast tissue ... but... I.WANT.IT.OUT...

the thought of having silicone in my body freaks me out. yes, i've had it in there for 20-odd years, but now that i know its in there, dont want it.

soooooo... i have yet another appointment with my PS for a consult of sorts for my breast. good news - more than likely insurance will cover the removal and any associated costs... not so good news, more than likely will not cover the cost of the new implant or any related costs...

i dont even know if my PS will do my breasts at the same time as everything else on the 29th... i dunno if i want him to due to what Tami said about weight loss... plus, i honestly have no idea how much this is going to cost. i dunno how much implants cost, not sure what my surgeon is going to charge...

gahhhhh, slightly freaking out here.

but... not cancer. which is a very good thing! at least there is a bright side.