what's really going on...

ok ... im not posting this to LBT, but will here. its nothing i really want to keep a secret, just dont want to post it there...

Friday morning (day after my pre op), my case nurse for plastics called me. just chit chatted for a couple of minutes and then proceeded to tell me she forgot to ask me when my last period was. i told her 12/28-ish, but like i told her in the pre op, i'm really irregular (PCOS) and feel like im going to start any second now.

she paused and told me that the pregnancy test came back positive.

freak out. totally completely lost it at work. TOTALLY. had to be walked to the bathroom cause i could not walk by myself. shaking uncontrollably. partially because the news of the pregnancy was just completely unexpected (i had taken a pee-test 2 weeks before - negative) and the thought of plastics slipping thru my fingers.

so DH and i are getting used to another DChild... Sunday, while in the grocery store, i start spotting. just a little bit, but enough to cause concern. i called the emergency hotline and the nurse says to put my feet up and do nothing for the rest of the day. exactly what i do. in fact, i went to bed about 745ish (woke up at 3am)... so over the night the bleeding gets worse and worse and as of Monday morning, im in a full blown period.

another.miscarriage... yes, another. this is not my first. apparently my body is defective in carrying babies ... :**** (

so where do i go from here? absolutely no clue. DH and i talked about it for a bit last night (while i was dozing off), he thinks i should go for the plastics cause that would make me happy... i am not so sure. yes, of course, going for the plastics will make me happy, but so would having my DH's child. it is not recommended to get preg after a TT, it would defeat the purpose of the tuck in a normal tuck. but i think i am not the 'normal' tuck... i am getting the gut whacked too... but im going to be 37, waiting 6 months after the tuck for incision healing, etc that would put me at 38 years old when i deliver. not a good thing for a high-risk (miscarriages, weight...) mom.

so there's the facts. i am going to call my OB in 7 minutes and see what i need to do.

im petrified...