i was thinking .. (did you smell the smoke??) maybe its time to stop thinking about "good" and "bad" food....
i realize that when i restrict myself (put myself on a diet), i want that restricted item SO much i could just scream... i am kinda doing low carb (until we run out of low carb/high fat food in the house)... soooo no bread/cookies/etc...
what did i just binge on? cookies...
right now i'm reading The Rules of "Normal" Eating: A Commonsense Approach for Dieters, Overeaters, Undereaters, Emotional Eaters, and Everyone in Between!
it talks about eating like a normal person - 'normal' people dont think of good/bad foods... the eat what they need, they satisfy their cravings (they have a great way to describe cravings...) eat what fuels your body...
*sigh* i really dont know where im going here, just typing out loud i guess. thats what i get for workign with chatty people who will not hush when im trying to have an insightful post ...
Monday, March 31, 2008
think think think ...
SO not feeling well ...
i think someone has given me the flu ... bastards!
i havent had the flu with my band, not looking forward to throwing up if i do eventually hurl ...
great.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
well fuck a duck... a confession of sorts...
i really think i need to be finished with Atkins.
really
it works really well for me and to be honest, i really like the fatty food ... i know ... bad bad bad bandster...
but i usually only last 2 weeks maximum and then for the next weeks/month i splurge promising that i will get back on track ... really... i will get back on track ...
after the cakes, cookies (looking to my right at the white chocolate mac. nut cookies that i've inhaled), M&Ms, etc...
WHAT
THE
FUCK
other than the fact that im not exercising as much as i can because my PS hasnt released me to full exercising and eating like a fucking pig
fuck
fuck
fuck
anyone in texas (dallas area) wanna come kick my ass... ??
my annoying pooch/pouch whatever...
my 'pooch' or 'pouch' is circled ... it HAS gone down, but its still there ...
27 day pics 1/3
my pics will be up on my blog in about 5-10 minutes. i cant see much difference between the 20 & 27 day pics ... of course DH zoomed in more for the 27 day pics, so it looks a little skewed.
but you can see that 'pouch' of fat on my left. i was really hoping the pulling of the skin with the TT would take care of it completely. it lessened it, but didnt get rid of it.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
mmmm .... mushies
yup, i got another fill.. hopefully, this will be THE ONE...
its the one time i allow myself to eat my fave mushy... stovetop stuffing... yummmmmmmmmmm
i KNOW its not great for me, but 2 days is not gunna kill me... and i do have my atkins shakes for fiber/protein...
so there, my guilty pleasure.. or 1 of them at least ;)
Monday, March 24, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
it started with one fry...
then gelato, then peanut butter cup
guess today is my 'free day'
sent from my iPhone ;)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
20 days post op compare - side
its been almost 3 weeks, here are my before PS and current pics...
Dr. P says that a lot of my 'trunkness' is still due to swelling, but even if it isnt im pleased as punch ...
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
hungry hungry hungry ...
i thought on atkins you LOST your appetite?
seems that not only have i not lost it, i've gained a new one ...
ate a whole burger for lunch, for my snack, i had a huge salad with 2.? ounces of steak and some cheese in it ...
W.T.F??????
wow
LOVE this quote from Glouchester on LBT...
The weight you have lost and the amount left to lose is just a number. It's this whole journey that is worth celebrating.
THANKS!!
mini rant??
yup, i posted this on LBT, but wanted it here too ...
i weigh 242 pounds ... there are LOTS of people on this board that start their WL journey where i am now ... and i've lost 160 pounds and still have 82 more to go... that's a ton of weight... (ha - and i wanted to call goal by my birthday in June ... double HA!)
i dunno if i am really the person to actually give the guidance... i just log my experiences (tell it like it is) for my journalling ... cause i cant remember shit...
i guess im just SO frustrated that i still look like a tree trunk... yes, the big huge gut is gone, but im still a very large girl.
it doesnt help matters that i refuse to tell my family (step mom) how much i've lost... she sent an email to another relative saying that i wont tell her but she thinks i've lost over 200 pounds .. damn. how big did she think i was??? i dont think i wanna know that answer.
why is it ...
that i have NO PROBLEM telling pretty much anyone and everyone that i have a lap band, but am hesitant on telling someone i got a tuck??
someone commented today that i've really lost a lot of weight, and i just smiled and said thank you and (i think) i just volunteered that i had lap band ... she said that just recently she's noticed ... i just said thank you ...
i mean really, im mostly an open person *really, pick your jaw up off the floor - i am ;)*, but i dont feel i need to broadcast the tuck to people here at work. i told my group, but that's pretty much it ... **shrugs** just thinking...
im just swell ... how are you ;)
so i have this really weird swelling thing going on .. (http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2008/03/swell-hell-and-belly-button-pics.html)
swelling was getting better except for that 'bump' ... and i was getting a tad concerned... so i called Dr P and they squeezed me in.
he looked and was like hmmmmm ... poked, prodded, poked some more ... "you're fine" ... ;)
he eased my fears completely. yup, im swollen. gunna be for quite some time. he said he 'caused major trauma' to my body and its just going to take time...
ok then ... so it's not a seroma (very rare with his suturing technique).
have i mentioned lately how much i heart Dr. P ?? (http://www.drpollock.com)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
confirmed - i'm f'ing nuts
i registered for the Chicago marathon...
here is the course (video - sped up ...) WHF???????
http://www.chicagomarathon.com/cms400min/Chicago_Marathon/inspiration/video/FeaturedVideo.aspx?id=618
sooooo... i think im f'ing nuts...
most know we adopted our very DD from China a few years ago...
what popped in my email this morning? an email with this url enclosed ... http://adopt.childrenshope.net/media/marathon_poster.pdf
Chicago - full marathon (no half option) 12 October... that gives me about 7 months to prepare for it... slowest speed i could do is a consistent 4 miles per hour. i can walk that (errr... could walk that before plastics)...
do i want to try? am i stupid for even thinking about it??
come on guys... i know you're out there ... tell me what you think!! :)
Monday, March 17, 2008
so today i feel like crap....
i literally feel like i got the crap beat out of me with a baseball bat. my whole left side just aches and is very sensitive to the touch. putting pants on this morning sucked (but they are 14s!!!)
i dunno what it is, really really bizarre ... how can i be almost numb (kind of like how your feet are asleep type numb) but ache at the same time??
the itching is a bit better... it comes and goes in spurts. when i itch i ITCH so incredibly bad i am shaking and can barely open the benedryl package, but most of the time, not bad at all....
AND ... today is my first full day back at work ... so dont wanna be here. why cant we just win the freaking lottery and get it over with ????????? ;)
Sunday, March 16, 2008
scar stories ... 1
i think im healing very well ... redness has gone except some lingering places where i had the rash...
swell hell continues...
this is a total pain in the ass to post all 5 pics so im doing 5 entries...
left / mid
oh damn ...
no backing out now ... just registered DH and I for the 2009 Walt Disney World marathon ... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
race info here ...
swell hell and belly button pics
here's my new belly button ... looks pretty good ... kinda red, but not horrible.
swollen ... that 'bump' is due to me exercising and other stuff today ... its huge ... as in i fit in pants this morning (able to put 3 fingers in between my waist and the waistband if that makes sense) .... TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT tonight ... **sigh** swell hell
Saturday, March 15, 2008
bonus to the TT
so not only did I get my tummy tuck & lipo, I also got what is called
a 'mons lift'... SOOOO glad I asked Dr P about it ... dunno what
it is? google it ;) not at work though...
so everything is pretty much lifted and 'normal' looking now... but
um.. its not just looks... things feel different too... in a
very very (very) (very) good way... sooooo, if yer thinking about a
TT, ask the doc about a mons lift too, my doc "threw it in"..
sent from my iPhone ;)
first workout...
I didnt plan on staying on that long, but I was watching a TV show and
just did it... part of me was also petrified to try to get off the
tmill by myself.
it went well.. as I thought, I'm already swollen, but I have my
sucker inner on so I'm good.. :)
going to try to go 3-4 times a week for an hour. fastest I went was
1.2 MPH.
Friday, March 14, 2008
me venting ...
ok so i look like a freaking tree trunk ... literally ...
at least pre-plastics i had a waist ... now not only am i straight up and down, but im THICKLY straight up and down ...
and yes, i know its swelling and i know it will go down, but i want it gone NOW dammit.
i love not having the gut, but not having a waist is awful.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
yeah so I suck..
well i posted something after this but it didnt post...
i havent kept the blog up as much as i should be ... here's a pic of my new belly button. stitches came out thursday ... still really red, but not horrible
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
grrr stoopid blogger
well I had a long post typed up and blogger crapper out on me... I
can't even remember what i said.. it was a few hours ago (and I've
napped since then..)
so I outted myself on LBT, so I might as well disclose here as well..
instead of waiting the requested 2-3 weeks for 'dual physical
activity' .. ahem.. we didnt... I was fine (errr GREAT) the first
time, but the next time, I woke up sore on my left side and swollen as
all hell!! grrrr.. so maybe wait a couple more days... ???
sent from my iPhone ;)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
stuff...
the only discomfort i have is the intense itching now. as in wake me up at 3am and itch so horribly i wanna keel over...
if it weren't for the itching, i'd be about 98% back to 'normal'... been working on my walking, drove alone today (had DH with me yesterday) and went shopping at Steve & Barry... HOLY CRAP! i fit in 16s at Old Navy yesterday, they fit fabulously (see pics in earlier posts) but i wasnt going to pay 30 bucks for transitional clothing... so we went to Steve & Barry... once again - HOLY CRAP! they had a sale ... less than 9 bucks for everything in the store. 8.98 for jeans. i didnt fit in their 16s (not that they had many 16s to choose from anyway)... but the 18s fit very well ... so i bought a pair... and a pair of 14 cargo/convert pants and a pair of size 8 'mini-goal' jeans ... i hope to get into the 8s before fall.
waking up this morning, my wonderful DH looks at me and says "you are flat" ... teeeee... i still dont believe him, but the sweet man said it.
and no details, but just wanted to say that i'm such a rebel ... **grin**
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
i LOVE my new garment!!!
holy crap!
http://www.nouvelleinc.com
http://www.nouvelleinc.com
http://www.nouvelleinc.com
http://www.nouvelleinc.com
!!!!!
they custom made my garment for me in 1 day and shipped it! holy crap. i got the Abdomen Contour with Suspenders (mid-thigh) and it really holds me in and makes me feel 'controlled'.. so much more comfortable than the binder. wooo hooo! nouvelle rocks!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
WAY overdid it today
so I'm sitting in borders cafe in mega discomfort..
we've been on the go since 10:30 this morning... driving, walking to
lunch at Northpark Mall, lunch, walking back to the car, dr P appt
(see previous post), work where my boss said ok to half days all next
week (yay!!), then driving towards home in crappy traffic ... well
over 1 1/2 hours. picked up DD from school, dinner now at Borders...
my day in a paragraph... fun.
but now my left side really doesnt feel well and is kinda
tingeling... can't be great... :(
I just want a coffee... then walk back to the car (unless DH will
come pick me up)..
grrrr I loathe set backs...
sent from my iPhone ;)
first post op visit
pretty uneventful... he confirmed that I am 'extremely' swollen and it
will just take time..
after he poked around on my belly for awhile, I was asking questions
and darn near passed out.. started getting really warm, etc.. he had
to lower my head and put a cold towel on my head.. that was
embarrassing... : /
sutures out next week... can't wait for that fun to start!!
no official exercise for an additional 2+ weeks which sucks... not
even treadmill.. he does want me to walk though, so walk I will...
just not outside cause its supposed to freaking SNOW here... freezing
rain as i type.. yay. make that snow now... ick.
I am on my way to talk to my boss about myreturn to work... fingers
crossed please.
Christine
sent from my iPhone ;)
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
day 5 pics...
soooooooooooo swollen...
this is pretty basic - on my back, my right side is more swollen than last night ... :(
me turned a bit. you can see the 2 lines that go up my back, i think he said it was to prevent dog ears. hopefully it will work. im really a lot more bruised than i initially thought... the yellows ... ohhhhh, perty... **gag**
so i had a chat with dh about the house... & other stuff.
well actually i asked what i could do to help him keep the house organized..
he didnt like it too much, but sucked it up.
we folded a few loads of laundry - yes, we... i sat on the bed with a wedge behind me and folded clothes.. then promptly leaned to my right and slept for half hour.
it is getting a lot easier to get up and down... i used to have to get up on my side the get up, now i can just raise straight up.. wooo hoo!!
showering and dressing of my incision, neosporin, etc.. really is a total pain in the ass.. cant wait until it really starts closing up.
im getting my new garment tomorrow. cant wait to get rid of this f'ing binder!!! it gives great support, but cuts into me at times. i cant wear a t under it cause it just sticks to my incisions...
:(
i had to custom order it cause of the swelling.. waist is 1XL, hips XL, thighs Medium... the good news is that as i shrink, i can send it back at no charge (except shipping) for alterations... yay.
once i get the garment, i'll post who i went thru and a review.. so far, the customer service has been great!!
weepies already??
so last night i was getting ready for the ordeal (formerly known as a shower). DH has to observe me to make sure i dont ohhh, pass out or something....
so my binder is off of me, laying in bed pretty much nude except for my 'wife beater' t-shirt that is basically covering the girls and not much else. and i start crying ... why??? many reasons i think.... im still REALLY swollen and basically just look fat... not huge fat, but fat none the less.... im not flat like the other pics i've seen x days post op... i knew that would more than likely happen, but did i have my expectations too high? did i want to be flat? you bet your ass i did... i wanted the perfect flat tummy that i've seen in so many pictures...
also, im concerned that my very dear DH has taken such great care of me (house is another matter, but i digress...) and seen me in such horrid ways and helped me dress my bandages (who am i kidding, he's done all the work)... that when it's time for him to stop being my caregiver and start being my husband and when the physical intimacy starts up, all he'll think about is how gross i looked X days post op and how the scabs looked and how horrid of a kendoll i had (have)... he wont see me as an intimate partner but as a patient... that really started the waterworks...
**sigh**
i shared this all with him (except the housework part...) and he truly is the best... he got me thinking why i wanted this tuck in the first place.... it wasnt to look perfect... it was to make my life easier and the looks part is a bonus. he made the best analogy too... he told me to think back about the band and when i first got it. did the band make me lose weight?? i told him of course it didnt.... it was a great tool to help me lose weight, but it wasnt the cure all.... he said i should approach my tuck as that same type of tool. a catalyst to help me finish my journey. we talked about my goals and why i truly wanted plastics and he helped set things in perspective for me...
i truly love my DH with all my heart... he may say some stupid stuff every once in awhile (dont we all??) but he is f'ing phenominal....
revised goals:
goal weight is now 160 instead of 180
run the Disney marathon in Jan 2009 (along with probably walking Minnie in May 2008)
when able to exercise, PUSH it like i never knew was possible
be happy with the results i have so far, they are more than likely temporary and will need a revision, but that's OK...
oh yeah... TT pain??
not bad AT ALL... kinda sore and the incisions pull a little bit, but i havent taken any pain meds since Sunday night.
if it werent for the headaches, i'd be about 90-95%..
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
i can see clearly now...
yup, when i stand, i can see my thighs, knees, calves, toes and all off my foot... wooo hooo!!
STILL so swollen...
but I'm now closer to 100 than I am 300... according to my
calculations, I have about 11 pounds of 'swell' still in me ... :(
sent from my iPhone ;)
Monday, March 3, 2008
sneezing FUCKING hurts
like tears hurt... major major pain hurt
I'm really tired tonight.. I'm hoping to sleep thru the nite (ha)
so I took 3 xs Tylenol and am laying in bed.. so tired but I wanna
stay up just a little longer..
I showered and rebandaged everything after the sneeze incident. the
barely warm shower didnt do much except get me clean and fucking
cold.. but clean and thats a good thing.
sent from my iPhone ;)
night before platics and 3 days post op
im putting the binder up higher to help with the upper tummy swelling. sorry for the icky spots on the binder ... gross, but i dont want to take my binder off long enough to wash it and line dry!! it. ordering 2nd compression garment today
Sunday, March 2, 2008
night before platics and 2 days post op
in some SERIOUS swell hell... even my fingers / toes are swollen so bad that they look like i weigh 400 pounds again.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
really bloated/swollen already
ended before.. I have upper thighs!!!