weepies already??

so last night i was getting ready for the ordeal (formerly known as a shower). DH has to observe me to make sure i dont ohhh, pass out or something....

so my binder is off of me, laying in bed pretty much nude except for my 'wife beater' t-shirt that is basically covering the girls and not much else. and i start crying ... why??? many reasons i think.... im still REALLY swollen and basically just look fat... not huge fat, but fat none the less.... im not flat like the other pics i've seen x days post op... i knew that would more than likely happen, but did i have my expectations too high? did i want to be flat? you bet your ass i did... i wanted the perfect flat tummy that i've seen in so many pictures...

also, im concerned that my very dear DH has taken such great care of me (house is another matter, but i digress...) and seen me in such horrid ways and helped me dress my bandages (who am i kidding, he's done all the work)... that when it's time for him to stop being my caregiver and start being my husband and when the physical intimacy starts up, all he'll think about is how gross i looked X days post op and how the scabs looked and how horrid of a kendoll i had (have)... he wont see me as an intimate partner but as a patient... that really started the waterworks...

**sigh**

i shared this all with him (except the housework part...) and he truly is the best... he got me thinking why i wanted this tuck in the first place.... it wasnt to look perfect... it was to make my life easier and the looks part is a bonus. he made the best analogy too... he told me to think back about the band and when i first got it. did the band make me lose weight?? i told him of course it didnt.... it was a great tool to help me lose weight, but it wasnt the cure all.... he said i should approach my tuck as that same type of tool. a catalyst to help me finish my journey. we talked about my goals and why i truly wanted plastics and he helped set things in perspective for me...

i truly love my DH with all my heart... he may say some stupid stuff every once in awhile (dont we all??) but he is f'ing phenominal....

revised goals:
goal weight is now 160 instead of 180
run the Disney marathon in Jan 2009 (along with probably walking Minnie in May 2008)
when able to exercise, PUSH it like i never knew was possible
be happy with the results i have so far, they are more than likely temporary and will need a revision, but that's OK...