still working my ass off ... still eating way too much.

yup, i need a fill.

too chicken to get another one because right now food = comfort.

i am still working out 5-6 days a week. now only if i could stop feeding my face with carrot cake. **sigh** so fucking frustrated.

today is not a good day...

yup I worked my ass off at the gym this morning, but I am craving
everything under the sun.

I had garbage last night (chocolate / caramel something from Ikea) now
I want carrot cake, not a piece - a cake. ice cream you name it...
if it isnt good for me, I want it.

yes, I am PMS'y but this is the worst it has been. :(

sent from my iPhone ;)

14 Sept work out

furthest on elliptical ever ...

woo hoo

i dont want to talk about it..

ok, so last night i was craving everything under the sun ...

i gave in and had lots of sweets (apple fritters - those are bad and should be outlawed) for those of you who do not know what it is, basically it's dough with apple filling and then fried and glazed ... really healthy.

we then went to Olive Garden for dinner ... CARB OVERLOAD.

needless to say the scale is SO far up i think im going to puke. yes, i am retaining water like a mad woman, but geesh!!

i am staying strict low carb today and tomorrow and hopefully TOM will come and go by Monday's weigh in (hahahahahahahahahahaha!)

on a good note - we did measurements today. 1 3/4 down in my waist since last month! wooo hooo

I RAN

4 sets of up to 45 seconds each

omg it was great

up to 4.9 mph

11 mins total

wow ...

i went to my first Lap Band support group last night. it was great but it needs more structure. it was hard to hear sometimes and some people kind of dominated the conversation and just would.not.let.up...

i worry that i might have monopolized a bit, so next time i'll try to listen more.

when i got home, i realized i didnt have anything to wear for Tuesday. i rummaged thru my closet and found a dress that i bought several weeks ago that was waaaaayyyyyy too tight. i thought what the hey.. tried it on and yayyyyyyy ... it is short but it fit.

(crappy pics from a camera phone)

look at the tag!!! 16/18. ME in a 16/18 (it's a Target dress so it's a wonky size)

like i said, it's shorter than i usually wear, butDH said it looked pretty good. YAY.

i did not work out today. slept in and it was devine!

wooo hooo ... new decade

worked out with Steph this morning for 1/2 session and did 1.75 miles on the elliptical. that stupid machine loves to kick my ass. but i love it. i was drenched when i was finished.

well, i made my goal that i set last week. today i hit 269 (and 5/8). i am just pleased as punch.

tonight i have my first lap band support meeting. i am really looking forward to it. hopefully, someone from i used to work with ... that would just be strange. i heard she's gained quite a bit since i left the department. she is actually the reason i started looking into the lap band so for that i am thankful.

i will post my pics of workouts later maybe.

yeah i know

i havent posted this weekend but it doesnt mean i havent worked my ass off.

down to 270.5

ate carrot cake tonight ...

took pics of me in my "old" PJ outfit ... yeah the shirt is really stained ... sorry ... this are freaking hilarious!! LMAO

these used to NOT fit...

comparing last month and this month ...

ok, i thought i'd see a bigger difference in this set. in fact, my tummy looks bigger in the front view this month...



dh did say that my hip/thigh area looks less round this month and i noticed that the pant leg now HANGS instead of clings to my right leg...

hey, i'll take it!

11 month picture time ...

here they are.... click the image for a bigger version.

thank you oh silicone friend of mine...

before pictures - size 6XL shirt
current pictures - size 1XL shirt

a vent...

i am on LBT chat right now...

there is a user on who wants the band to lose FORTY POUNDS ... 40 pounds... no, not 140 ... 40 ...

yeah, just what i want ... to have major surgery to drop 40 pounds.

i told her to spend the money with a personal trainer and nutritionist instead of a doctor ...

unfreakingbelievable ...

now ... before i get shit for this, just stop. 40 pounds people ...

gack ... MAJOR head hunger ...

TOM is coming (next week i think) and damn my head hunger is raging!!

i was not hungry ... i am drinking drinking drinking and am not physically hungry ... all i could think about was going down to get a chicken breast ... so i did wait until i was kind of hungry and saw beef brisket ... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

so i ate that, now i'm "hungry" again... i grabbed an Oh Yeah bar, hopefully that will do the trick.

06September work out

i had an hour session with Steph this morning.

before, i hopped on the elliptical and cranked out 3/4 mile. it was AMAZING. wow wow wow.

Steph truly is amazing. she knows just how hard to push me and i was hot and sweaty all training session. she even made me do push ups!! they were horrible and i barely got down, but it's better than nothing i suppose. she is making me feel stronger each day.

after my session, i cranked out another 3/4 mile on the elliptical.

yesterday was my 'free day' and i did gain. a tad over 2 pounds, but we'll see what happens tomorrow. my last free day i gained, then dropped over double what i gained, so i am anxious to see what happens.

i cant believe i've been banded almost a year. Sunday it will be 11 months. i still have a LONG way to go, but am very pleased with how far i've come. i am wearing one of my "Target dresses" and it is actually loose on me! of course i have my "sucker inner" on, but i've always worn one with this dress and it is actually getting a bit baggy... woooo hooooo.

05Sept work out

what an infreaking-credible workout!

i was drenched when i was finished. total of 2.75 miles on elliptical and 9 on the bike. i also did my torso twists 3x15 and a little balance work.

it is a "free day" and i had a hash brown. of course i got the combo but cant even think about eating it right now ... **sigh**

weight was down this morning - 272.75

grrrr

i need to stop obsessing over food.

i am kinda hungry but not really and i keep wanting to go downstairs to the cafe and have this GREAT Mongolian Grill ... full full full of carbs.

i have a planned dinner out tomorrow (Chinese - real Chinese) and do not need the carbs right now.

i will go downstairs, but i will get a scoop of tuna ... yup, that's what i am going to get ... in fact, i am going to bring cash only so i cant get my stupid Mongolian grill ...

04 Sept work out

i think i pulled a muscle in my glute ... yup ... i've got a pain in my ass.

2 miles on elliptical and 10.11 on the bike.
- legs up / ball grab 2x 12
- balance bicep curl 1x12, 1x6 7.5 lb weight

i am really sore from yesterday's ab work. weight is bouncing in the 273's ... sigh

03 September work out

damn my legs are sore. i usually start off with the elliptical and go for 1.25-ish miles, go to bike for about 10 then back to elliptical. well it being Labor Day, the gym was packed and all my (yes MY) ellipticals were taken. had to start with the bike - did 10 miles, then 2.5 miles straight on the stupid elliptical.

towards the end was really tiring. i just kept repeating "exercise for the body you want, not for the body you have" and that seemed to keep me going .

after cardio, i did strength training.
- calf stretches all 3 sides - 2x8
- torso twists 3x15
- ball crunch 3x15
- ball bridges 2x12
- shoulder press w/ ball 2x12 (2 sets each arm)



over all a pretty intense work out. after i went to the hot tub for about 5 minutes to try to help with my thighs. didnt do much.

weight last week was pretty much the same. i need to up my cals a bit.

enjoy your day!!

best thing i've ever done for myself

so DH was looking through some old video ... "wanna see yourself 2 years ago"... NOPE ... but i looked anyway.... i still have a LONG LONG way to go, but i never ever want to go back.

this picture is a collage of pics of me starting June 2001 through my 10 month picture (August 2007). there are a couple pics up there that i just cannot believe i am posting, but this will give you a good ... ummm, picture... of how far i've come.

December 2004 is really bad quality because it was taken from a screen shot of a video. October 8, 2006 is the day before my surgery.

August 2002 - a fine, proud moment. this was at DH's best friend's wedding ... NIIIIIIICE ... not!!!!

click for a bigger image

soooooooooooo far out of ketosis now ... ; )

ok, so dinner went ummmm ... well. NOOOO problems of still being in ketosis.

let's see ... general chicken (w/ rice), crab something or other, smmmmmalllll piece of prime rib, 1/4 'fried' scallop - ick...

oh yeah, about 10 teaspoons of mint chocolate chip ice cream and 4 (yes, 4) chocolate chip cookies. they were still warm and so incredibly delicious!!

so - back to low carbing it tomorrow. i have a feeling i will pay for my night out when i step on the scale, but you know, i really am not regretting it (too much anyway). my normal appetite is back and i do not feel weak or sluggish.

i have planned my exercise for the week. it is strict, hopefully i will be able to figure out a way to post it here.

too far deep into ketosis

i am weak and not hungry ... going to knock myself out of ketosis and start again ... i just had some spinach and artichoke tortilla chips ... not bad...

too bad my DH only gave me miniscule (sp?) bites ...

02 Sept work out

WOW ... what an incredible workout! elliptical was level 7-8 incline of 7 to 9. it was incredible!

bike was great as well - level 4 to 5 but mostly 5.

i need to lay off the sweet n low. dunno what it was but scale was up up up ... i didnt even log it, yup. it was THAT bad ... :(

i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell...

ok, so let's talk goals.

we need to have goals right? something to reach for.

well in my infinite wisdom, i set my turkey day goal (from now til 22Nov) to lose 35 pounds!! that's a ton of weight. WTF was i thinking??

sure, it's nice to have something to reach for, but OMG ... 35 pounds? 11 1/2 weeks?? what is that just over 3 pounds a week - consistent losing ... ????? damn i am going to be busy.

this week it seems i've worked my ass off and have barely dropped a pound. that is quite frustrating. my 'short term' goal - 08 October remains at losing just over 20 pounds. that will put me at 150 for my first year after lap band. then i will "only" have 72 more to go. **sigh** ONLY 72...

i can tell differences in my body but it just isnt enough. i want this weight gone NOW (or yesterday would have been nice). i am so tired of being fat. so that is why i set the stupid 35 pound goal ...

want to know my REALLY crazy goal ... (please dont laugh too hard) ... i want to be at my goal weight (180 for now) by my 37th birthday in June 2008.

there - i said it. i want to lose another 92.625 pounds in 9 months.

plateaus? fuck 'em...

01 September food

i am going to try to post my food here daily again. it seems to help me stay on track.

i do not like the fact that i had so few cals today. ideally, between 900 and 1500 is where i'd like to be. i have not had the Snack #3 yet, but i think i have to.

who knew shrimp were sooo low in cals (boiled). one thing i REALLY like is shrimp with chipotle salsa. i looked on DH's bottle of cocktail sauce - 15 gms of carbs. my salsa - 2 grams for 2 tbsp and i usually only have 1 tbsp.

click on pic for larger image.

01 September work out

had a training session with Steph today, it was great! she pushed me SOOO hard. i loved it. i went on the elliptical before and then the bike after, so it was a great work out. not sure if i will be going tomorrow, but i need to get some miles in. i need to average about 12 a day for 20 days. it is really difficult to get the miles in when i train (2 days a week), so i need to crank it!!

the elliptical was about a level 7-8 resistance and a higher incline than normal. those 18 minutes were ROUGH!!


the bike i averaged level 2-3, dont think i cranked it above 5 or 6 the entire time, but it was a nice ride.