omg ... must.eat.carbs.....

apparently those 6 miles took everything and more outof me.

i did have a bowl of cereal when i got home but i was WIPED OUT... i literally couldnt get off the couch. slept for well over an hour.. it took all the energy i had to heat up some tortellini we had last night.

felling much better now and i surprisingly didnt scarf them down and no PB ... YAY!!!!

now i can actually get some stuff done.

dammit... full disclosure...

i have no fucking clue what is going on with me.

eating like a fucking pig ... my restriction is so fucking wonky lately. some days, i PB on my shake at breakfast, some days, i can eat 1/2 - 2/3 breakfast sandwich... (of which i shove the rest in my mouth cause the fucking head hunger) and then PB the rest of it up.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck... fuckity fuck

i mean seriously. my restriction is nothing right now and my discipline is nothing what so ever...
i mean really, if i had the discipline, i wouldnt fucking need a lap band, right?

and all of this would be fine and dandy if i was working out, but the entire weekend, what did i do? the Race for the Cure ... 5K ... due to how crowded it was, it took us just over an hour to complete.

sooooo, today's menu (so far):
breakfast:
sausage egg & cheese croissant from Jack In The Box (580 cals, thank you very much...)

snack(s):
baby ruth bar
some other chocolate bar (blocking out the name???)

lunch:
2 large chilis from Wendys
lots of crackers

snack:
3 snack sized mr. goodbars

WHAT.THE.FREAKING.FREAKY.FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK
FUCK
FUCK

fuck.

seriously.
fuck..

:(

think think think ...

i was thinking .. (did you smell the smoke??) maybe its time to stop thinking about "good" and "bad" food....

i realize that when i restrict myself (put myself on a diet), i want that restricted item SO much i could just scream... i am kinda doing low carb (until we run out of low carb/high fat food in the house)... soooo no bread/cookies/etc...

what did i just binge on? cookies...

right now i'm reading The Rules of "Normal" Eating: A Commonsense Approach for Dieters, Overeaters, Undereaters, Emotional Eaters, and Everyone in Between!

it talks about eating like a normal person - 'normal' people dont think of good/bad foods... the eat what they need, they satisfy their cravings (they have a great way to describe cravings...) eat what fuels your body...

*sigh* i really dont know where im going here, just typing out loud i guess. thats what i get for workign with chatty people who will not hush when im trying to have an insightful post ...

this is so not good

i am having some major heartburn.

started Friday night (ate a tad too much and had a lemonade from Chic Fil A - i know i know... stop eating so damn much)... took 2 tums and all was well.

today i had breakfast .. i wanted an omelet, dammit! didnt eat all of it, but i was full... still havent eaten anything since (5-6 hours ago)... drinking my crystal light and im continuing to have heartburn.

of course, i forgot the tums at home today ...