i just dont get it...

eating not so well, not moving my fat ass as much as i should, yet i am losing inches.

a pair of underwear that was extremely snug 2 weeks ago now fit very well - loose even!!

wtf? NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING! at all...

so f'ing sick...

of eating right and exercising.

so much in fact that i am not doing it at the moment.

eating complete and utter garbage and making every excuse i can to not exercise.

what the fuck is wrong with me??? am i not excited that i am getting gut whacked in 24odd days?

is that the reason im slacking? that is precisely the reason i should not be slacking. i need to be in the best physical and mental condition i can be in for this surgery... eating chocolate covered cream puffs and english toffee and not moving my ass is not the way to get there.

i need a kick in the ass. and i dont even think i am talking about a virtual one ...

where the fuck did my motivation go???

it wouldnt be my life without a little drama ...

a new twist..


when i was young (15/16??) i was quite umm, lopsided in the breast department... think C cup to an A cup. had it fixed with a saline* implant... its never been perfect, but yah know, the are relatively symetrical... no problems.

*or so i thought....
....

this past Monday, i found a lump in my left brest (non-implant side)... freaked me out since my mom was my age when she found her first (cancerous) lump. since i was sick with a cold, went to see my primary and she did an exam, yup, it's a lump... actually, there are 2. oh dear.

i went for my mammogram today and they had to actually take it to a sonogram cause it wasnt really clear.

the good news - lump is fatty tissue / non cancerous - mostly likely just a lipoma. yay!! no real issues unless they grow..

bad news - what i thought for the past 20 years was a saline implant, was in reality a silicone!! implant and it has ruptured. so i have silicone in my rt breast. based on the ultrasound, it appears to have contained itself inside my breast tissue ... but... I.WANT.IT.OUT...

the thought of having silicone in my body freaks me out. yes, i've had it in there for 20-odd years, but now that i know its in there, dont want it.

soooooo... i have yet another appointment with my PS for a consult of sorts for my breast. good news - more than likely insurance will cover the removal and any associated costs... not so good news, more than likely will not cover the cost of the new implant or any related costs...

i dont even know if my PS will do my breasts at the same time as everything else on the 29th... i dunno if i want him to due to what Tami said about weight loss... plus, i honestly have no idea how much this is going to cost. i dunno how much implants cost, not sure what my surgeon is going to charge...

gahhhhh, slightly freaking out here.

but... not cancer. which is a very good thing! at least there is a bright side.

hey you ...

yeah, you ... the one who weighs well over 200 pounds still...

PUT THE FUCKING SUGAR COOKIES DOWN. or you will never lose the 10.x pounds you still need to lose before your tummy tuck.

hard salami and i no longer get along...

dammit... stuck ... refuses to go down. it hurts.

guess i'll go get some pineapple juice on my lunch.

cravings are bad BAD today ... i want carbs. the have Mongolian grill for lunch downstairs. it is SO good ... comes with rice and those fried noodles ... SO TASTY ... so full of carbs.

28Jan food

back on track after a carb overload weekend


cals 876
fat 64.4g 67%
carb 13.3g 6%
protein 56.7g 26%
protein was a tad low, but im not going to force something down me.

fuck I'm tired...

45+ mins on cardio..

fuck..

sent from my iPhone ;)

i want new boobs too ...

:(

post workout weight...

not going to 'count' it, but DAMN!!!!

:)

holy shit!!

fastest time ever.. beat my old time by 53 seconds.. SMASHED it.
this time is going to stay for awhile. I'm pooped.

24Jan food

not bad... hopefully the weight loss will continue... :)




















instead of the muscle milk snack, i had a single piece of salami ... i didnt really need it, but i was preparing tomorrow's food and just popped it into my mouth... not horrible... but the mindless eating not so great.
stats:
calories: 1009
fat: 74g (68%)
carbs: 13.7g (6%)
pro: 65.9g (27%)

bout f'ing time!!

so, i've been in the 260s since 19October.

today - finally!! - i hit a 'new decade'

259.2

23Jan food

not a bad day. i was HUNGRY though, so i had a salad for lunch and snack...






















stats:
calories: 1125
fat: 82.7g (67%)
carbs: 14.6g (5%)
pro: 78.8g (28%)

not bad

22Jan fuel

i havent had my snack so far, not sure if i'll need it, but threw it in there just in case. nix the muscle milk... i dont need it.


calories - 969
fat 63.4g (60%)
carbs 16.2g (7%)
protein 79.6g (33%)

i went over a tad on carbs, but that is total, not net... **shrug** if i dont have the muscle milk, it will be under 20g. the above numbers reflect no muscle milk. dont consume it if you dont need it!!

im sticking with this for a few more days to see if the scale moves...

after 1 day on Atkins..

fucking up almost a pound. WTF??

only thing I can think of is that tom is going to come early. I feel
almost crampy. *sigh*

sent from my iPhone ;)

21Jan food

back to blogging. back to Atkins. started induction today.
havent finished yet, but all thats left is my protein drink and i really dont want to drink it, but i need to try it before tomorrow. new flavor - chocolate peanut butter. hopefully it tastes as good as i've been told... :)


nutritional info for Monday:
Calories - 1098
Fat - 72.9g (61%)
Carb - 17.7g (7%)
Protein - 87g (32%)

we'll see how i do. weight this morning was 261.8 ... ick.

missed it by that much..

grrrrr. missed beating my fastest time by 5 seconds. I knew I was
close so I really kicked it up towards the end. I ended up running
the last 90 seconds at over 5.6 mph and the final 30 seconds at
6.0 mph!! OMG I thought my legs were going to fall off.

OK ... so who else can relate?

why am i getting a tuck?

because now that i am not HUGE, just 'big', people do look me in the eye when saying hello, but 95% of them then scroll their eyes down to my stomach. i am so fucking sick of it.

losing the inches!

i went to my training appointment yesterday and although the weight is not dropping much, the inches are dropping.

since last month, i've lost the following:
chest 3/4 inch
upper arm 3/4 inch
waist 3/4 inch
thigh 1/4 inch
calf 1/4 inch

my body fat percent is about 32.3% (cant remember cause im at work), 'normal' is 31.9%... i'm getting there!!! :)

11.7 cc in my band now

I got a small fill (.2) we'll see how this helps.

the big surprise, I've lost 8 pounds since last month's fill.. wow

sent from my iPhone ;)

wide awake ....

sigh
this sucks

can't edit my post ...

the part I talked about before was the fact that Mary had LB, not my
question... ;)

sent from my iPhone ;)

input please...

ok ... I'm pretty sure I've already told this story, but...

I kinda work with a woman (same department, different area) I'll call
her Mary..

Mary and I had our lap bands placed on the same day (same doctor
even)... I had NO CLUE she had hers placed... I found out by
accident when someone accidentally 'slipped'...

Mary likes to eat... we had breakfast together once and while I was
enjoying my 2 scrambled eggs, she ate pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns, you
name it... she also left the table no fewer than SIX times.. I'm
ASSuming to PB cause she was all flushed and sweaty when she came
back... but she continued to EAT... (and leave and eat, etc...)

she is still quite large. she didnt start out as big as me, maybe
280-300.. I dunno I suck at guessing weights and she's quite a bit
shorter than I am.

ok, C, get to the point....
today I was walking downstairs and mary saw me.... she said "you are
getting skinny"... I kinda brushed it off, but wow.. today is a
"non-shake" day, basically, I get to eat today... I was going down to
the cafe to get God knows what to eat....

thanks to her comment, know what I got?? lettuce for a huge salad..
I already had ham and some shredded cheese and dressing in my office
kitchen..

later I emailed her thanking her for her compliment, telling her how
much I appreciated it.

she responded by saying she needs to lose weight before her reunion,
that she lost 50 in 2006, but gained 35 last year... I haven't
responded yet...

suggestions on how to respond? I don't wanna say that I know she has
a band, but I want to encourage her... apparently she overeats,
doesnt chew her food, drinks with meals, etc...

I don't think I wanna point her to LBT cause I'll be found and I like
the relative anonymity (sp????) that I have now.

wow I can't believe I typed this out on my iPhone... LONG

sent from my iPhone ;)

dunno about this whole liquid thing...

**sigh**

i knew i wasnt going to be able to stick with it... i havent eaten anything so far today, i've had about a scoop of protein powder for this morning (made it w/ 2 scoops and drank 1/2 of it) and this afternoon made 1 scoop and drank about 4 sips before gagging.

i really dont know what to do. this whole diet mentality fucks me up so bad. banding is not about dieting, why am i doing this to myself?

i get satisfied on a few ounces of protein (chicken) why cant i just do that?? now i feel like i am such a fucking failure cause i cant do protein powder ... grrrrr. and yes, i know that its shitty tasting but i should just suck it up.

ok, this really sucks

the double chocolate mousse is cardboard flavored as well ...

fuck ... a ... duck ...

shakes in review

2 scoops of creamy caramel something or other... not bad... it did come out a bit frothy on top, once i got rid of that it was OK, more than likely will not order again.

even with 1 packet of sweet n low not so great...

shakes are here

double chocolate mousse & creamy caramel something ..

starting it today. 2 other flavors should be here by the weekend
(netrition is SLOW)

sent from my iPhone ;)

51 days

yesterday was a great workout!
ran/walked a mile
biked 2 miles
abs & push ups
fast walk .5 mile
slow (2.7-3.0) walk
really burned the cals!!

still no low fat shakes will start liquids only when they come. i should have 1 shipment arrive today.

maybe macaroni grill for dinner tonight??? they have an awsome filet...

Christine
sent from my iPhone ;)

liquids for awhile???

ok, i really need to get this fucking weight off of me before surgery. i mean it!

i ordered some whey gourmet shakes (Chocolate Chip Mint, Peanut Butter Chocolate, Creamy Caramel Dip and Dark Chocolate Mousse).

the plan is to have those during the day (as many as needed, no more than 7 scoops) then for dinner have 2 chicken strips (grilled) and some veggies. for a snack i will drink some diet V8 Splash to make sure i get all my necessary vitamins in.

all in all it comes out to be under 1000 cals, under 20 grams of fat, about 12% from carbs and LOTS of protein (172 grams with 7 scoops of powder and the chicken).

not sure how many shakes i will need during the day, so i gave myself a pretty high allowance.

let's see if this works.

oh, i am giving myself one day a week where i do not do shakes all day. not sure if i will use it, but it will give me something to look forward to...

picture time

yup, its that time of the month now. we took pictures, but im petrified to post them. let's just say they are very revealing ... as in, i only have a sports bra and pants on ... you can see my gut in all her shining glory....

i dunno yet, im thinking they will be for my eyes only for awhile.

07Jan Food - final

stayed on plan today! wooo hooo
1229 cals
76.1 fat g - wow, its high due to muscle milk, oh yeah bars and ranch
28.5g carbs
99.9g protein


not bad... fat needs to be a bit better, need to reduce the salad dressing fat for sure.

workout sucked

not rocked - SUCKED ...

i forgot my running shoes at home and didnt wanna go home to pick them up... so i used my aerobic shoes .. big mistake.

due to my fucked up toe, they were really tight and i could barely walk. so i did .25 on tmill and 3 on bike ... then i stretched, did a few crunches and then went grocery shopping ...

shitty workout.

oh well, at least eating is on track today.

will run tomorrow.

well fuck a duck

i am anxiously waiting for my plastic surgery, i just want to get it over with and start really living.

it is so pathetic how people view us fatties ... it seems everywhere i went this weekend, people would not look me in the eye. their eyes went directly to my gut. EVERYWHERE.I.WENT...

fuck fuck. get rid of this gut. its just not moving. i am running, i am walking, i am strength training, i am doing all i can fucking do and its not moving.

tonight is picture night, i really dont even want to take them. i guess im letting myself slip into a nasty depression. i dont want this. this fat fucking gut just has to go.

really.

it feels like i cant do this anymore. i am noticing small changes, but its no where near where i need them to be.

maybe when i was 400 pounds, i expected it, but now, it fucking hurts to see just staring at my gut. is it my imagination? i honestly dont think it is.

ok, i'll just stop rambling now. life fucking sucks sometimes.

getting sick?

I think I'm getting a sinus infection. I feel like crap.

I may take the day off from working out. brought my clothes just in
case. of course now that I think about it, I think I forgot my
shoes... dammit.

I want starbux so horribly.. sigh

sent from my iPhone ;)

hot damn!!

fastest mile yet ...

went running today...

I guess i had forgotten how incredible I feel after I run. it wasn't
really even running much, walking at 4.3 mph and then I did a 5.2 or
5.3 burst for a little bit.

WOW

fastest mile yet!

sent from my iPhone ;)

ya know what??

I dont automatically go to the handicapped stall in public bathrooms
anymore and I fit just fine.

sent from my iPhone ;)

03Jan fuel

Breakfast
Atkins Caramel Latte shake

lunch

spring mix salad
w/ shredded 2% cheddar cheese, 1.5 oz ham, 2 small chuncks of tomato

planned
snack
Atkins shake or another salad

dinner
6 oz shrimp
2 tbsp chipotle salsa
some veggie ??

talk about a hypocrite... **eyeroll**

i hate it when blogs i find all of a sudden go password protect... (lol... i am serious though)... i just found a great blog (what about your hips) - its even in my 'what do i read' section... and all of a sudden it's pword protected ... grrrrrr

lunch

yum... i love spicy ranch dressing ...

i cuss...

because i fucking can ...

fuck again ...

i dont know if it is true hunger or head hunger but i want to eat everything under the sun...

EVERYTHING.UNDER.THE.SUN... really

so far, i've made OK choices. had a shake for breakfast (fucking 26 degrees here this morning), 14 almonds, more almonds, yup, more almonds maybe another serving of 28 total, maybe a tad more, tad less...

my pouch is full, but i am not... does that make any sense? nopers ...

and i am FUCKING FUCK FUCK cold... wearing long sleeved dress, workout jacket and a cardigan over that ... still cold.

i need to just suck it up and buy some tights or maybe just pantyhose (shudder) would help. yup, i have bare legs

it is SOOOOO TOM so i am hoping that is why my weight is up (270.4fuckyouverymuch!)

tired, crabby, fuck... i did run this morning. went a mile, my stupid nike+ thingy registered 1.5 miles ... fuck again

fuck

just fuck

sent from my iPhone ;)

I resolve...

- to work with my band and let her do her job properly
- to push myself exercise wise at least 2 times a week (excluding when healing from my TT)
--- pushing myself means working up an incredibly disgusting sweat
(and loving it)
- to give myself time to stretch and meditate 3x a week

sent from my iPhone ;)

happy new year

I hope this year is the best year yet.

sent from my iPhone ;)

NYE tradition...

mongo shrimp and spicy cocktail sauce.. these things are HUGE...
(12-14/lb)
yum

I feel

like a fucking beached whale..

its TOM and I am so bloated that I just want to stay in bed and not
move. cramps are horrible, my back is killing me.. did I mention I
just wanna stay in bed?

in fact, that's where I am now.. I <3 my iPhone sooo much. laying
(lying) in bed listening to Damien Rice 'Blowers Daughter' over and
over and over again. I threw a few movies on my phone, DD will be
going to school, DH is going in to work, I think i will stay in
bed... under the nice warm flannel sheets.. yay!!!!!!!!

sent from my iPhone ;)

its a mushy!!

really...

and no, I alone didnt eat all of that.. DD&DH helped - a lot

just realized ...

when I was REALLY FAT (as opposed to just FAT now) not only would I
scarf my food, I would eat it all cause after all, I was wasting money
- throwing it away - if I didnt eat it all...

now, not so much... went to wendy's for lunch (large mushy chili and
small frosty) after eating about 3/4 of the chili and 1/4 of the
frosty, I'm finished... the rest is being thrown away.

pretty cool! ;)

HOLY PB batman!

can you say restricted?

i need to learn to eat more like a bandster i guess. i am the most restricted i've ever been and my fill was a few weeks ago.

i will be the first to admit that i take 'normal' bites and chew/swallow in stages (chew, swallow a little, chew more, swallow more, etc...)

last night we went to Pho and i had a little beef (maybe 2 ounces, about 4 pieces paper thin), then i ate some of DD's chicken. i know in my heart of hearts that i didnt chew well enough but thought i would be ok, cause after all, i was fine before ... oh dear God. on the way home i couldnt swallow my own saliva, DH had to pull over and i PBd in a parking lot. thought i was fine, but almost got home, yup another PB.

this is my 2nd PB in a week. not a good thing. i dont think i am overfilled, just am at the sweet spot. i can get liquids down fine and i know if i chew my food well, i should be OK with solids.

so, needless to say, liquids for breakfast (coffee w/ extra 'boost').

weight-wise, losing the same 3-5 pounds over and over. i'll get down to 261.8ish and then back up to 264... i dont get it.

you dont get thin

eating cookie dough....

not...that...i....am....doing....that....

sent from my iPhone ;)

so fucking fed up

there was an LBT post from someone who had surgery 4-5 days ago ...

a different brilliant person posted the following:
man that's a long time to be on all liqids I had only 1 week on liquids second week soft soilds week three regular food , I say try some tuna in the second week just a tablespoon something that will stick to u and not hurt

WHAT ... THE ... FUCK?

i finally just completely lost it at the arrogance and stupidity of this poster and basically said who would you rather listen to, someone with horrid spelling and grammar or your surgeon.

i did end up taking it down, because it wasnt a RnR thread, she did see it and claimed
"wayne I guess if we all was prefect like her we would not be here. oh!by the way its called a typograhical error it happens to the best of us.thanks again for your input..."

other examples of her posts ... these are NOT typos ...
thank you so much for not being selfish for relizing that family comes first and that your brother love you so much and will do anything in the world for you . you finally relized that money is not everything and will not make you happly. we went though some much together, our lives and stories are amost exact I love you so much and will be there when your baby girl is born

I lose more eating soilds because I got full faster and the soup have so much salt it keeps the weight on you.

I seriously doubt that a tablespoon of tuna in the second or third week will kill someone or harm there lapband process.

well actually u did miss th MD after my name thanks for noticing, and I know he would mine because I ask already thanks for you input.

and i KNOW i am far from perfect but good fucking god... typos ??? ummm, i didnt know you could typo correct words when you meant different ones... the soup have so much? that last one just has me seeing stars .. ?????

can you say restriction??!!

whoa!!

merry Christmas - had dim sum for lunch and pb'd it up for the most part ... **sigh** totally unexpected.

so im on liquids right now - great christmas dinner **eyeroll**

i hope everyone had a great christmas!
LJ

Monday 12/24 exercise

Monday 12/24
14:19 mile
15 x 2 of the following:
ball pass
weighted crunch
twists 30
rolling ball bridge
reverse crunch
1 leg bridge 10 each leg
bicep curls 5lb 15 each
flye 8 lb 15 each
tricep on ball 8lb 15 each
leg press machine lvl 4 15 each
leg extension lvl 4 15 both
leg curl lvl 4 15 both
stretch x1
bike for 1.15 mile DH sick so I left

sent from my iPhone ;)

damn that felt good

cant sleep

for the past several nights, I've been waking up around 330-400.
tonight is no exception, going to go work out I guess.

sent from my iPhone ;)

spam comments

apparently some spammer likes my "fuel" (food) entries and likes to post their shitty links.

i've enabled comment moderation for that reason...

yup, he's a fucker.

19December

only 71 days til my abdominalplasty ... gack!!

i truly am a chicken shit and hate pain. HATE pain... but this is going to be worth it. a few weeks of pain and then a lifetime to live. no huge gut hanging down my thighs.

i'll be able to run with no issues, i can get up from whereever - couch, floor, etc without being worried that i will lose my balance and topple over (yup, it's happened more than i care to admit).

i nearly look drunk sometimes getting up, just losing my balance for a few seconds ... no more of that! :)

oh damn...

i hate pain ... WTF am i doing? im such a chicken shit...

18December food

planned

18Dec exercise

Treadmill
15:30 1.05 miles
5 min warmup
3 min run
2 walk
2 run
2 walk
1 run
:30 walk

Bike
5:34 2.00

Strength training - arms & stretching

off to run

yay

sent from my iPhone ;)

73 days until surgery

... not counting today. my surgery is scheduled for 29February, 08.... this of course depends on if my boss gives me the OK...

oh shit, i am nervous!

boy im fucking cranky lately ... holy shit. i feel like i am going to start any second now, cramps and everything. WTF????

17December food

not bad, kind of high in fat though


1326 cals
70g fat (47%)
103g carb (31%)
74g protein (22%)

why plastics now?

i think i will be more proportioned after the procedure... i have a 40 bust, 38 waist and 52.75 hips ... that's just so wrong. and yes, i am big boned, but the bones arent that big...

head hunger is a bitch today...

i am so not physically hungry. i just had a nice lunch with about 3 pieces of shrimp **eyeroll**, some salsa type stuff and some whole wheat orzo pasta. it was OK... i can feel the food in my pouch, so i know i am not physically hungry... but i want to eat something. preferably chocolate...

*sigh*
it cannot be that TOM again ... it just cant.

funding complete

plastics is a go, just need to find a date that works with DH's and my
work and do it...

oh boy...
sent from my iPhone ;)

15 December

had a training session with Steph today. wow, it had been about a
month and I felt it!!

did 2 mins running 2 walk 1 run as well.

LOTS of ab/core work, arms and legs.

measurements:
neck - same
chest - down .5
upper arm - down .25
forearm - same
waist - down .5
hips - down 1
thigh - down .25
calf - same

total lost - 2.5 inches last month.. not bad.

my body fat% is down to 33.1 (1.2% more lost will put me in the
"normal" category) it was 39% in June.

sent from my iPhone ;)

after reading last night's entry..

PROGRESSIVE tension sutures

"dont do it" eye roll, I am going to use the I was tired excuse...

still no offers on the 10600... ;)

sent from my iPhone ;)

forgot to mention..

dr said that he didnt think I was really a BIG GIRL... except of
course for my massive pannus...

oh and another thing... the gown which they said time and time again
was EXTREMELY small... fit!!!

sent from my iPhone ;)

plastics consult

ok, I really need to get to bed but I wanted to post a tad..

- full abdominalplasty (tummy tuck) including muscles.
- lipo where needed
- mons lift included
- 1 night in hospital

- continuous tension sutures ( I think that is the name) helps with
healing.
- NO drains due to special suturing
- running in 4-5 weeks at a slower pace
- basically if it hurts dont do it
- sigh - anyone wanna give me $10,600?

I wanna do it. now.

sent from my iPhone ;)

good god, how difficult is it to be ON TIME??

sigh. 9:00 appt, 926 now. I mean really, I busted my ass to get here
on time. this guy better be good.

sent from my iPhone ;)

14 December

worked my ass of at the gym this morning. it was amazing..
had my fill yesterday, up to 11ish ccs, not sure how much it holds,
but she said to come back if it doesnt work. I told her to pretty
much close me up... ;)

I am stuck in traffic on my way to a plastics consult.. fun. will
post more later.

sent from my iPhone ;)

on my way

to work out... joy

sent from my iPhone ;)

this is SO not cool

ok so last week I did really really well going from 270.6 to 261.8!!

I was OK during the weekend, absolutely nothing overboard thank to my
wonderful restriction! :)

well I got on the scale this morning, fucking up to 266!!! WHAT THE
FUCK??!??! I am so fucking pissed. that's it, no more weighing
except once a week and I am tempted to just have DH record it for me..

I just dont get it. 1-2 pounds maybe, but I did not eat 17,500 EXTRA
cals!!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Christine
sent from my iPhone ;)

10December food

Breakfast
Atkins Caramel shake

Snack
8 honey sesame Kashi crackers
1 wedge Laughing Cow light cheese

planned
Lunch
2-3 oz baby blends salad w/ red onions, 3 cubes of ham and a pinch of shredded cheddar
each bite had a dab of ranch dressing.
oh boy those onions were strong!!!

Snack
1 oatmeal dark chocolate cookie
1 Atkins Mocha shake

dinner
Italian herb fish
cajun fish (i needed to up my cals, not sure how this will work with me being so restricted)
.5 cup green beans (canned)
.5 cup baby blends salad
.5 TBSP peppercorn ranch salad dressing

sometime during the day i am also going to have 1 cup of V8 light splash berry blends.

horrid pictures ...

DD's birthday party ....

notice the arms ... ick ... ICK ... ICK.

notice the pannus more.... yup ... touching the ground. i look like i weigh 400 pounds still. **cry**


where do the 'girls' end and tummy begin ... hint - the girls are the flattest part of the picture.

**sigh** no plan for Monday

i forgot to cook chicken tonight for lunch tomorrow.

no freaking clue what i am going to eat tomorrow.

B
Atkins shake
S
cookie ??
L
muscle milk shake ?????
or
Atkins shake
S
?????
D
?????

looks like im kinda screwed.

this weekend food wise wasnt awful but it wasnt great either. ate a tad more than i should have tonight for dinner, but **shrug** ok, i really dont have any excuses...

im tired and really need to get to bed, but i just dont want to yet. i am taking the day off working out (yeah, thats the way to drop the weight **eye roll**)

i ran again today

What a great sweaty mess i was this morning.

1 mile total on the crappy hotel treadmill and about 7 miles on the bike.

It felt amazing!!!

Not sure what my schedule is going to be this week with running, etc. i do have a trainer appt Saturday.

1/2 the woman...

about 12 months ago this size 6XL jacket was very SNUG... could barely snap it shut. the left snaps can be brought over to my right side, same with the right snaps ...

i am so so pleased .. :)

DD's party...

last year for my DD's birthday, I had 2 pretty big pieces of cake.
this year, not even 1/2 of a small one..

we went to pappadeaux's for dinner. I had a cup of gumbo (with some
bread added) and 1/3 of a piece of sausage. I was satisfied...

my MIL commented. 'you look good'. I think that's all I will get
from them, but that's ok... not doing it for the kudos.. ;)

ok sleeeeepy!! running again tomorrow...
night

sent from my iPhone ;)

I RAN!!

woo hoo
it felt so amazing
1.5 min run
1.5 walk
3 run
1.5 walk
2 run
1.5 walk
2 run
1.5 walk
3.25 run
1.25 walk
1 run
1 walk
1 run
1 walk
then ab work and stretching
then back to running
3 run
1.5 walk
1 run
2 walk

it felt so amazing to get back on that treadmill.

sent from my iPhone ;)

oh dear ...

lunch went pretty well, i was full but not FULL ...

well, my office is across from the kitchen. they brought all the leftover food to the kitchen. brownies ...

i took a chunk (ok, a piece) and ate it... UP it came ... WTF????

07Dec food

my plan today is to eat as best as possible and try to log everything.

we have a pot luck at work today and then my rents are coming in for DD's b-day and we are going out to dinner. i can eat whatever i want, just a lot less...

OH SHIT!

in a good way of course! lowest i've been in well over a decade.

14 month pictures

i finally had to retire the 'paint splattered' bike shorts ... the pants im wearing now are black running pants (size ladies XL from Target) ... yup, they are skin tight...

im posting a tad early cause my parents AND my in-laws are visiting for DD's 4th birthday ...

another 14/16

yup, i went shopping (see hangers/junk - sorry about that)... and you even get to see some of my cleavage cause i was too lazy to put on a tank top...

again - aside from the upper tummy, looks pretty good.

14/16!!!!

the tag from the sweater below ... 14/16 ... omg.

the 18/20 was actually too big in the side/chest/under arm area. wow.

see what im talking about

woo hoo

not bad .. went shopping (yes, again...)
**sigh** with exception to my upper tummy 'roll', it doesnt look bad

that would be DD in the picture

06December food - planned

im still super restricted ...


cals 640
fat 27.3 g (38%)
carbs 54.9 g (34%)
protein 43.7 g (27%)

protein still too low. maybe tomorrow i will have another shake or something...

dammit i lost my links

ive been playing with my templates and lost my links. grrrrr

it's a numbers game

dammit... i had a whole thoughtful post typed out and blogger crapped out on me...
grrrrrr....

myfooddiary has a sort of motivational system in place. if you are doing well and making good choices you get a nice green smiling face on your summary. if you could be doing better, you get a red frown.

my goal is, of course, to have mostly (if not all) green smiling faces greeting me.

in planning my food for the next day, i try to take this into account. last night i didnt have much time to plan so i just threw some stuff together that i knew were well balanced and would keep me satisfied. part of my choices included cheese and crackers. that's healthy, got a bit of fat, some carbs and a little bit of protein in there as well. **sigh** red frowning face. too much saturated fat grams (about 10%).

so i reworked it.

a few days ago, i bought these amazing Kashi dark chocolate and oatmeal cookies. they are really tasty and satisfy any sweet craving i am having. i replaced one of my cheese/cracker snacks with a cookie - voila! all green smiling faces! i guess i needed the fiber.

sooooo ... it IS ok to have a cookie (emphasis on ONE cookie) to balance out your day as long as you are making good choices the rest of the day.

this is not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. i fail miserably on diets (ummm... low carbing it sent me in a horrible frenzy of off plan for about 3 months. granted i lost a ton in a week, but what did i do the other weeks? nothing.)

on the weight loss front - - i am very pleased. down 6 pounds since this Tuesday. just by planning my day and watching what i eat. i am sad to say exercise has not been a priority lately. with DH gone (came back Tues night) and my stupid toe - still, it's just so difficult to do anything. im going to get there though. i really am.

i am 1.2 pounds away from my lowest weight in a very very VERY long time (think about 15 years!) yay.

happy birthday Maddie!

:)

05December food

was a nice day. i was not very hungry at all. the looks of it, i ate a ton, but it wasnt bad at all.
cals 687
fat 28.5g 38% (kinda high)
carb 60.3g 36%
pro 44.1g 26% (kinda low)

problem was i was not very hungry for dinner. next time i will cut the salad dressing down and hope to get a tad more chicken in. i just couldnt do it tonight. my DD and i split 1/2 a (large) breast and she ate most of it

thank you lap band!!

04December food

03 December fuel

Breakfast
Muscle Milk (Mocha Joe)
7 oz skim milk

Lunch
Starbucks Chicken sandwich ... yummie!

Dinner
Macaroni Grill Spinach Artichoke

Snack
Few handfuls of gingerbread mini cookies. **eyeroll**

so it was a high calorie day, figuring out tomorrow right now.

02December food

not bad. i did get quite hungry later in the evening. instead of going for chips though, i had another chicken strip.

breakfast
Atkins Mocha shake

snack
1 cup V8 splash diet berry blend
Kashi Oatmeal Dark Chocolate cookie - yummo!

lunch
1/4 cup Cottage Cheese 1%
whipped with 1/4 cup frozen cherries

dinner
2 chicken breast strips (abt 3 oz)
2 tbsp Pace chipotle salsa
Mukimame Blend (soy beans, green beans & mushrooms) steamed w/ a bit of spicy stuff on top

snack
1 chicken strip w/ chipotle salsa

538 cals
16.1g fat 27%
49.3 carb 36%
49.7 protein 37%

a new plan

fuck it. we'll see what happens when I have a reasonable balance of
carbs.

will submit plan when I get my lazy ass out if bed.. ;)

sent from my iPhone ;)